Maldeamores (Lovesick) (Heightsbound #0.5) Page 21

His lips skirt down my neck and over my collarbone. He kisses my shoulder and then the spot right over my breastbone.

  “I don’t fucking know how to say goodbye to you,” Lucky whispers, his face in my hair.

  “You don’t have to. I’ll always be here for you.”

  “I want good things for you, Bey. I got nothing to offer.”

  He nuzzles my breast and then sucks the nipple into his warm mouth. His tongue brushes over it and I spread my legs more, my ass rising in his hands.

  “Belén,” Lucky breathes and I die when I hear him say my name, his voice overflowing with both apprehension and longing.

  Leaning forward, I put my hand on his thigh and swing my leg over, kneeling on the floor between his knees. He grabs my chin and pulls my head up to look at him.

  “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

  “I want to suck you off. I want to do everything to you, Lucky, all the things we missed, all the times we got cut off.”

  Lucky leans forward and captures my mouth. He wraps his arms around my back and squeezes me tight.

  “Maybe I should have taken you when you were thirteen, right there in Ma’s kitchen,” he says, cocking a brow, a perfect Lucky smile creeping up at his joke.

  “I would have let you,” I say, tugging at his pants with only one arm.

  “So slutty, Bey,” Lucky says, his smile now widening. He pinches my nipple and I squirm inside. Heat rises to the surface of my skin. I flush with it. I’m always so warm for him. I remember that day, everything that I felt.

  Suddenly it’s not a joke anymore. I’m back in that kitchen, in wonderment of his maleness and how my own body responds to it.

  “Remember how I put you on my cock?” Lucky whispers. We’re both so crazy turned on, both that day and now.

  ‘Those feelings were brand new. I didn’t even know what it was, but I knew that I wanted you.”

  “Would you have let me, do you think?”

  “Yes,” I say, breathing into his ear. We share the same dirty secrets. My own skin prickles, as his cheek brushes against mine.

  “You were too young,” Lucky says.

  “I was yours regardless. I always belonged to you.”

  Lucky grabs the back of my head and gives me a hard kiss; with the other hand he undoes his pants and pushes them down his thighs until they fall to his ankles.

  “I don’t want to talk about the future or what we’ll do. I don’t want to talk about what’s wrong with us being together. I just want to feel you. All I want to feel is you.”

  He scoots forward on the couch, his hard cock gripped by the base. He caresses my face with his erection and I turn and take just the spongy head between my lips. I slowly work my mouth along his length until he’s slick with my saliva.

  “I want to taste your come in my mouth,” I say, and his cock responds.

  “Know how many girl’s faces I’ve come in, Bey, and imagined yours instead?”

  My heart warms when he says it and it’s probably not fair to all the girls who wanted him and believed that he was there with them when they were sucking him off. How many times have we climaxed thinking of each other?

  “I’ll give you the real thing, Lucky, and you can see how it compares,” I whisper right before taking his entire length in my mouth.

  “Jesus Christ, Belén, I’ll come just from the shit you say.”

  I lay both of my hands on his hard thighs and bob my head in time to the rhythm of his hips. He fucks his dick deep into my throat but without the aggression of the first time. I can’t take enough of him. I want to take all of him—whatever that means, choking on his cock or taking it in the ass if he wants. I almost want Lucky to hurt me and I feel confused by those desires. Is it because I want to remember it? Is it because this love hurts so much on the inside that I want it to feel the same way on the outside? I want the pain etched on my flesh just like how it’s tattooed in my heart.

  I take him until I gag and my eyes water like I’m crying. Lucky pulls back and lifts my head again. He looks at me with confusion and so much tenderness it drives a stake right through my heart.

  “Don’t kill yourself, baby. Come sit on my lap,” he says, holding his erection in one hand and wiping the thick saliva from my face with the other.

  “I feel defective. I think it’s incurable,” I whisper and wipe my chin with the back of my hand. “I still want to taste your come. I want to do everything before you go so I’m not left wondering.”

  Lucky nods and it’s so reassuring. He doesn’t think I’m sick or wrong or fucked up. He understands my desperation and wants to help me.

  “Ride my dick until you get off and then I’ll jerk it in your face so you can taste it.”

  I moan out loud and swoon at his words. The dirtier he gets the more I like it. The more brutal he is, the more my drive is ignited. I’m so wet and crazed from what he said. I stand to straddle him, but Lucky grabs my thighs and jerks my hips toward his face. He laps at my pussy and my head swims. He inches forward again and pulls me down hard, his cock impaling deep inside me. I moan again and my head falls back in rapture. Lucky grabs my ass cheeks hard and grinds himself into me.

  “I put a love spell on you when we were kids.”

  Lucky responds by slamming in to the hilt.

  “I think it worked,” he says, his breath labored with exertion. I put my good hand on his shoulder and ride his stiff pole with all that I have in me.

  “You’re not mad at me?” I ask.

  “How could I be? You’ve got a magic cunt, Bey, and right now I’m fucking it.”

  I feel like I’m blushing but maybe it’s the just the love drug that makes my body temperature surge and my heart all woozy.

  “Besides, I jerked off in your bed so many times when you weren’t home,” Lucky says and then pinches my nipples between his thumb and two fingers.

  I feel the sensation wash through my body bringing me close to the edge of an orgasm. “You did? I’m going to come just thinking about it.”

  Lucky shoves two fingers in my mouth and rolls them across my tongue. I try to suck them in but he pulls them back out.

  “Spit, baby girl,” he says and I spit on his fingers.

  “I’m coming already, Lucky, I can’t.”

  “Wait, hold on,” he says. Lucky reaches around me and shoves two fingers up my ass. I’m already peaking. My stomach muscles contract and my fingers dig into his shoulders. Lucky thrums the two fingers in my ass and my body explodes with it. I can feel my inner muscles contract around his engorged penis. I ride so high that I might die from the crash. But it mellows out gently and I move up and down on him slowly as the tidal wave of pleasure recedes into every corner of my body.

  Lucky then throws me off of him as soon as I recover. He lays me along the couch and takes his cock in his hands and immediately starts stroking it.

  “Open your mouth, Belén. You still want my come?”

  “Yes,” I moan. Then roll to all fours and hungrily crawl toward him. I reach him just as the semen starts to shoot. I wrap my lips around the tip and swallow his thick load. Lucky jams his length down my throat as he descends from climax. My lips pop when he pulls his cock out and Lucky grabs my chin again.

  “Don’t ever let me go so far that I hurt you.” I nod my head, but all I’m thinking is about how much I want him to.

  Lucky grabs me under the arms and lifts me to his chest. Cradling me like a child, he walks back into the bedroom and lays me on the bed, then crawls in beside me and wraps his body around mine.

  “I’ll always take whatever you give.”

  “I love you so much, Lenny. It kills me.”

  “I’m sick with it too, Lucky. I love you scary, like way too terribly much.”

  We fall aslee
p together, wrapped in one another’s bodies, becoming each other’s soft blanket of comfort. I don’t know what will happen to us, but no matter what, at least Lucky and I share this same sick love for one another.

  Lucky wakes me at three in the morning. He’s in a cold sweat and his eyes dart around the room like he’s been through some recent trauma.

  “I can make it up to you, Len. I knew how crushed you were when I was with other people. My heart fell when yours did. I could feel it when you would crumble. That day in the kitchen, I knew that I broke you. It’s what pushed me over the edge to kiss you. And then with Yari. I was so cruel to you. It fucking rips me apart that I hurt you.”

  “I told you, Lucky. I can always take whatever you give. I can handle it, as long as it’s you who it comes from.”

  “I adore you. I was stupid to run from us. Like a fucking idiot I pushed you away.”

  He seems frantic—almost drugged, like he wants to say everything possible tonight.

  “We’re together right now, and that’s all that matters,” I say, caressing his brow.

  “Be with me forever when I get back. We’ll start a new life—”

  I put my finger to his lips. I don’t want him to say anything. I’m afraid it will jinx it.

  “I promise you, Lucky, that no matter what happens—here or there—to you or me, nothing else will ever compare to this love. Nothing.”

  Lucky pulls me into a hug and clings. I’ve never seen him so needy. He nods his head in agreement and looks into my eyes. I stare back into his warm ones studying his face like I did as a child, until sleep once again beckons him. I watch his dark lashes flutter on his check, I remember his freckles, now eaten up by time. The grease burn scar on his forehead, the curve of his upper lip, the little dip between his lip and his nose, his brow that all too well shows how our love weighs on his heart.

  We fall asleep together under the sweet, heavy honey, our love buried underneath like a beautiful secret, which we hide from the world. We love deep down at the bottom of a well, where my glass heart bears his name and neither one of us, ever, feels any shame for it.

  Lucky

  I wake up at the crack of dawn. That’s the Marines for you—you even sign up your damn inner clock.

  Belén is asleep in my arms. It’s the very best thing I’ve ever felt. My dick is hard and I don’t even need to fuck her. I’m as happy as I can be just to hold her. Just smell her and watch her.

  I stay still and listen to her breathe, listen to her heartbeat until my arm hurts and I start worrying about getting back to the city to say goodbye to my ma and getting back to the base when I’m supposed to.

  The front door bangs open and I hear someone rummaging around in the hallway. I know Belén has a roommate, but I thought she was gone for a month. I get up out of bed, pull my jeans on and walk into the kitchen.

  It is her roommate; she’s looking around in the cupboard, taking out coffee filters.

  “Lucy?” I say, ‘cause I think that’s what Bey said her name was.

  She turns around and eyes me from my bare feet up to my face. I didn’t bother to put a shirt on.

  “Lucky,” she says and turns back to the coffee maker.

  “I’m Belén’s—” I feel like I shouldn’t say “cousin.”

  “I know who you are,” Lucy says, pouring the water in the machine. “Want some coffee? When did you get here?”

  “Day before yesterday. I thought she said you were out for the month.”

  “I was, till I got her email about Jan. I didn’t want her to be alone. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “Jan. Yeah, that’s why I came. I mean, I was gonna come anyway, but I ended up coming early.”

  “Leaving today?”

  “Yeah,” I say, leaning an arm on the stove. I don’t even fucking know this girl but I need someone to talk to. “I don’t want to leave her, though. I’m afraid she won’t be okay.” The stress finally gets to me and I run my hands over my face, massaging my brow with the heels of my palms.

  “She’ll be okay. We’re you two together?” Lucy asks, and I don’t how much she knows but I’m pretty sure she’s talking about sex.

  “I fucked her a dozen times between yesterday and today, if that’s what you’re getting at. I’m not saying she needed sex but I hope it makes things better. I don’t even know myself why I took so long.”

  “Belén’s problem isn’t just that she loves you like nothing else, Lucky. It’s that she’s convinced herself that it’s a disorder—that she’s somehow abnormal.”

  “I know. That’s partly my fault. I think she needed the reassurance that she wasn’t crazy, that she wasn’t alone in it. I never gave that to her. I fucked up, big time, Lucy.” I cross my arms over my chest as I confide in a complete stranger.

  “I think this will help. I’ve always felt like her heart truly was broken. There’s not too much you can do as a friend.”

  ‘Thanks for what you did. Thanks for loving her and for not judging.”

  “Shit, Lucky, look at me,” Lucy says and I dig how she looks. She wears bright lipstick and her hair is cut kind of butch. She styles it forward so it makes a ducktail in the front. She’s wearing combat boots and jeans and a black Misfits T-shirt. She looks like she could kick your ass if she wanted to.

  “I was raised Roman Catholic in a pretty devout household. Think they wanted to hear how much my heart hurt? Not saying I been there, but I get it.”

  “I don’t think I can say goodbye to her,” I say, holding my hand to my chest like it might crack my ribcage open. I’m about to break down in front of a total stranger.

  “Go then. Get out of here. I’ll take care of it.” I nod my head but I swear I can’t stand to think of it. Makes me want to get high, makes me want to hit someone or something.

  Back in her room I grab my clothes, pull my shirt over my head and jam my feet in my boots. Belén is sleeping peacefully—she looks like an angel. It takes all of my willpower not to grab her and kiss her awake.

  “Len, you are the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” I whisper to her as I step out of the room.

  “Lucky, don’t look so glum,” Lucy tells me in the kitchen. “I got a plan. This summer I’m dragging her sorry ass to Spain. No more mad scientist-librarian for Belén. I’m thinking Ibiza, Gibraltar, Sevilla and Mallorca. Sangría, chorizo, jeréz and museums. Lot of sun, a lot of food, maybe even meeting some men.”

  “I think I love you for that,” I say, my eyes about to burst from the pressure of tears. I gotta get out of here. I can’t see her wake up, kiss her goodbye and then turn my back on her and just walk out the door.

  “It’s been four years. She’s like a sister to me.”

  I shake Lucy’s hand and she shakes like a brother, even knows the ending where you knock shoulders. I turn and take a few steps to the door.

  “As fucked up as it sounds, she is for me too. I got nobody closer. Doubt I ever will.” I put my hand on the door and go to pull it open. “Maybe no men—”

  “Lucky, get the fuck out of here.”

  I smile at Lucy and she smiles back at me.

  I step out in the yard and look up into the sky. It’s blue now, not the heavy grey I drove up here with. The snow clouds have emptied and moved on. My heart thumps in my chest like I’ve been running from something. I guess I been running from Belén all these years. I could never escape her. Not sure I ever wanted to.

  My heart is alive and pumping my blood something fierce, but I could swear for the first time in my life, there’s no crazy burn in it.

  Chapter 21

  Belén

  The hardest part about saying goodbye to Poughkeepsie is finding a new home for Napoleon. Lucy plans on backpacking all over Europe and then later South America. She tri
ed to get her parents in Chicago to take her and they said they’re allergic.

  Eventually I come up with the perfect plan. We are researching how we could get Napoleon signed up to become a service animal, either in a hospital or a nursing home in the area. I’m reading an article about how crucial companion pets can be for someone’s rehabilitation, when it dawns on me that I already know the perfect person.

  Lucy drives me to Bryan’s with Napoleon crated in the back seat. His lawn needs mowing, but there are cherry blossoms on the tree in his front yard. It’s raining perfect pink petals all over the driveway and the ground below it.

  I knock three times and no one answers. I feel like an asshole for not reaching out sooner. But Bryan terrifies the hell out of me. He’s only one degree of separation from what I could easily be.

  The screen door is closed but the door behind it is open. The lights are off and the house is dark. I open the screen and step into Bryan’s kitchen.

  The countertops are covered in discarded soup cans and boxes of long-eaten TV dinners. There are newspapers all over the kitchen table and some on the floor. The mail that’s been thrown in the slot is sitting in a huge scattered pile where it landed.

  “Bryan?” I call out, my voice quavering and timid.

  There’s no answer so I flick on a light and make my way to the living room.

  Bryan is sitting upright in a recliner. He’s got a stretched out T-shirt on and a pair of pajama bottoms.

  “Bryan?” I say, feeling so apprehensive. He looks grey and pasty and I don’t see his chest moving.

  “Bryan?” I say again, taking hesitant steps closer.

  His eyes pop open and I gasp when they do.

  “Belén!” Bryan says, “What are you doing here?”

  “Hey!” I say running over to give him a hug. “I came to check and see how you were doing. And also ask you if you wanted to adopt our dog.”